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How can you have one with out the otherAugust 15 The correct way to come home drunk!Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me for staying out so late! His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and .............she acts like she's sound asleep! It Works Every Time! January 13 International Love......
The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches abova da bed in ecstasy." November 26 WELFARE OFFICE
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."
November 22 Do you know everythng?A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Butterflies taste with their feet. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. There are more chickens than people in the world. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself. November 19 Rising UnemploymentQ: What’s the worst thing about rising unemployment? October 22 The time of his life.The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing; you know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life.
October 20 Are you a retard?
October 11 Did you make the list A man is having problems with his penis, which has certainly seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, “I’m sorry, but you’ve simply overdone it for the last 30 years and your penis is burned out. You only have 30 erections left.” The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem, so he tells her. “Oh no!” she exclaims. “Only 30 times! We shouldn’t waste that! We should make a list!” “Yes,” he replies. “I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn’t on it.” Damn I was tagged again
September 28 My next costume for the partyA man walks into a costume party, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. The host welcomes him and asks him what he’s dressed as. September 25 Who Says Men Can't Remember Anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do! " she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued......."Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have gotten out today." September 24 HomesickAhkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle
September 19 Three hillbilliesThree hillbillies are sittin on the porch…
First Hillbilly says—my blonde wife is so stupid—she went out and bought an air conditioner…
The Second Hillbilly says—why is that stupid?
The First Hillbilly says—we aint got no lectricity!
The Second Hillbilly says, that’s nuthin—my blonde wife went out and bought one of them new warshin machines!
The Third Hillbilly says—what’s wrong with that?
The Second Hillbilly says—we aint got no plumin!
The Third Hillbilly says—my redhead wife is dumber than both of your wives—I was goin through her purse fer some change and found 6 condoms!
The other Hillbilly’s say—what’s wrong with that?
The Third Hillbilly says—SHE AINT GOT NO PECKER! Q&AQ: How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? September 17 I still want somepoon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, 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poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, 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poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon. September 16 Sex is good for you.> 1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests > find that when women make love they produce amounts > of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and > skin smooth. > ============= > > > 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your > chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and > blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores > and makes your skin glow. > ============= > 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories > you piled on during that romantic dinner. > ============= > 4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can > take up. It stretches and tones up just about > every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than > swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special > sneakers! > ============= > 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild > depression. It releases endorphins into the > bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and > leaving you with a feeling of well-being. > ============= > 6. The more sex you have, the more you will > be offered. The sexually active body gives off > greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. > These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex > crazy! > ============= > 7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the > world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. > > ============= > 8. Kissing each day will keep the > dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash > food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid > that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. > ============= > 9. Sex actually relieves headaches. > A lovemaking session can release the tension that > restricts blood vessels in the brain. > ============= > 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy > nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help > combat asthma and hay fever. Quick before it starts!man comes home from work, sits down in his favorite chair, turns on the TV, and says to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.” She’s puzzled but goes and gets him a beer anyway. September 14 Tagged
September 13 counciling A married couple go to a marriage counselor to work out some problems. The counselor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, lets talk about something you both have in common." The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick." September 11 How are your eyes?
If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese. It works! September 09 Ahole'sA nurse walks into a bank prepairing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake she says, "Well that's great. Some asshole's got my pen." September 07 Be SomebodiesIf you can't be yourself then who can you be? Nobody thats who! So just be yourself and be somebodies. n. pl. some·bod·ies A person of importance: “Obviously she was somebody a real presence in the room” (Oleg Cassini). Ok a person of importance. How can I be somebody important? First of all, the only person you have to be important to is YOU! So do what is important to you and not what is important to everyone else. Now, that doesn’t mean to be selfish. That means to do what you want not because of an arbitrary rule or what is expected of you. So just do what you do because you want to and that is who you are. I believe someone can be important just by having an amoral out look on life and to never do something you don’t want to pay the Consequences for. Just be blunt and say what you mean and, don’t have any hidden agendas. Now being blunt can be like trying to find a gas leak with fire you never know how much gas you will find. You might go up in flames but at least you did it your way. Then you can learn from your mistakes and move on. Having the ability to admit you made a mistake is so very important. But it is more important to also have the ability to learn from your mistakes. This will make you stronger emotionally and on your way to being somebodies. |
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