How can you have one with out the other: Health and wellness

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11 octobre

Did you make the list

A man is having problems with his penis, which has certainly seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, “I’m sorry, but you’ve simply overdone it for the last 30 years and your penis is burned out. You only have 30 erections left.”

The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem, so he tells her.

“Oh no!” she exclaims. “Only 30 times! We shouldn’t waste that! We should make a list!”

“Yes,” he replies. “I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn’t on it.”

25 septembre

Who Says Men Can't Remember Anniversaries?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do! " she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued......."Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have gotten out today."

24 septembre

Homesick

Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle
East, and he was only here a few months when he became
very ill.
He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could
help him.
Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, "Take dees
bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on
de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and
breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."
Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped
in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in
the fumes for ten minutes.
Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel
terrific! What was wrong with me?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick."

16 septembre

Sex is good for you.

>       1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests
> find that when women make love they produce amounts
> of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and
> skin smooth.
>       =============
>
>
>       2. Gentle,   relaxed lovemaking reduces your
> chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and
> blemishes. The sweat    produced cleanses the pores
> and makes your skin glow.
>       =============
>       3. Lovemaking    can burn up those calories
> you piled on during that romantic dinner.
>       =============
>       4. Sex is one of the safest sports    you can
> take up. It stretches   and tones up just about
> every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
> swimming    20 laps, and you don't need special
> sneakers!
>       =============
>       5.   Sex   is an instant cure for mild
> depression.    It releases endorphins into the
> bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria   and
> leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
>       =============
>       6.    The more sex you have, the more you will
> be offered. The sexually active body gives off
> greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones.
> These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex
> crazy!
>       =============
>       7.    Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the
> world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
>
>       =============
>       8.     Kissing    each day will keep the
> dentist away.    Kissing encourages saliva to wash
> food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid
> that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
>       =============
>       9.     Sex    actually relieves headaches.
> A lovemaking session can release the tension that
> restricts blood vessels in the brain.
>       =============
>       10.   A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy
> nose.    Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help
> combat asthma and hay fever.

11 septembre

How are your eyes?

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese.

It works!

9 septembre

Ahole's

A nurse walks into a bank prepairing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake she says, "Well that's great. Some asshole's got my pen."

4 septembre

I want some!

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poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, 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poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, 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poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon, poon.

21 août

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar.

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman sidles up next to him. “You’re cute,” says the woman. “Do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sex?”

“You bet!” exclaims the hillbilly. “But I have to tell you, I’m a virgin. I’ve always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite.”

“Don’t worry,” the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. “Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?” she asks.

“How could you possibly have teeth down there?” he says.

“Look at the shape your gums are in!”

28 mai

bla bla bla

My brain is fried I will try to wright something later. hehe